Crystal Clear Observations

Not even one month into the new year and a young woman I grew up with lost her battle to breast cancer. I remember the day that another classmate inboxed me to tell me about her diagnosis and asked me to reach out to her via facebook. Over the next few weeks, I would read about how hard the chemo was on her body and her subsequent trips to the ER and hospital. All the while, I am cheering her on to victory, encouraging her from my own treatment experiences and praying for her wellness. NOTHING HAS BEEN HARDER FOR ME THAN SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN DIE FROM THE SAME DISEASE THAT I MANAGED TO OVERCOME. It saddens me deeply because I realize that a) that could have been me b) I see the impact that her death has on her friends, family and loved ones and c) I wonder when the other shoe will fall for me. With each death, I very small part of me dies with her. A dismal part of my heart and faith are chipped away. She fought as hard as I did, she had reasons to live, she had people that loved ...

I don't blog daily because I strive to be relevant. In between social media posts, I do live a real life. This week, my facebook newsfeed has been inundated with bloggers and writers upset about current media portrayals of Black women on television; specifically the fictional characters of Olivia Pope on "Scandal" and "Being Mary Jane" on BET. First let me state the obvious: These are fictional characters . Dramatic television is simply that. In order to engage an audience, you must have conflict and character flaws. Few people would tune in to watch a show where perfect people go to their perfect jobs and return home to their perfect families in their perfect communities with absolutely no conflict, turmoil or drama. Television serves as an escape. We invest our time and emotions into characters which we can relate to at some level. My biggest concern with everyone upset with these portrayals is that they don't know what the resolution will be. These ch...

Once you put aside the commercialism of the holidays, you may be surprised to learn that the holidays are very depressing for many people. So often, we get so caught up in the decorations and shopping that we actually forget to reach out to people in our network who are coping with grief and loss during this special time of year. The holidays typically are a time of family gatherings and warm memories but for anyone struggling with the loss of a loved one, failed relationship or family estrangement, the holidays can be a harsh reminder of a void. I've always felt that people take their functioning families for granted. I know that family members can get on our nerves and getting together at the holidays can be stressful in itself but if you have a safe place that you can call home, be thankful. If you know someone spending the holidays alone, welcome them into your home and surround them with love and support. If you have a family that is nothing but drama and stress, give yo...

I'm noticing a disturbing trend in the need to be validated via social media. Adults who want to be perceived as successful desperately trying to validate their worth or successes through an electronic outlet. People connect with you on social media for several reasons: to reconnect from childhood, to network, to get to know you better or through commonality. You can not build a solid relationship via social media, command respect via social media or determine your worth through social media so stop putting fruitless efforts into it. At times, I am embarrassed for adults who constantly have to prove how "busy" or "professional" they are through a post or tweet when in reality if you are THAT busy and productive, you won't be on social media every hour. Just be YOU. If you are successful, it manifests in your relationships, your reputation, lifestyle and works. If you are the only one promoting your success, chances are that you are the only one deeming...

Well, today I crossed something off my modest bucket list. After decades of flipping through Victoria's Secret catalogues, I decided to do a boudoir photo shoot at the age of 42! Would I or could I ever look that good in a lingerie photo shoot? Boy was I nervous when I walked into the studio and was greeted by colorful corsets and garters. I thought I was backstage at a burlesque show! To my benefit, all of the women staffers were friendly and made me feel very comfortable. As the shoot progressed, I realized that you are only as beautiful as you feel. Letting my hair down symbolizes a big change in my way of life. While I will remain fiscally and fundamentally conservative, I will slowly embrace things that I once feared. After all, what do you REALLY have to lose by trying something new or doing something that would surprise most people? Are you holding back simply out of fear of what others may think and does their opinion of you truly affect your life or well-being? We s...

With great hesitancy, I went with two friends to see the movie "Fruitvale Station." When I first saw the movie trailers, I had no clue as to what the film was about. After researching Oscar Grant's story, I drew parallels to the shooting of unarmed teen Trayvon Martin. As people struggled to accept the verdict handed down in the Zimmerman trial, I quickly became outraged at attempts to minimize the Black experience by referring to past criminal cases of reverse crime (White victim/Black defendant) and posting stories on social media that did not make national news. For the life of me, I can not understand why my personal anger incites someone else to get defensive or attempt to minimize my emotions especially when they have not lived in this world in brown skin. As I watched the opening scenes of Fruitvale Station, I was literally cringing. After seeing social media posts about Trayvon's less than stellar school performance and "thug" ways, I was almost em...

If you have never competed in a beauty pageant, you probably think they are dumb or full of fluff. If you have competed and lost, you probably feel that they are rigged and unfair. Having competed for several years in my youth in one of the most competitive and respected pageant systems (Miss Texas America and Miss Texas USA), I can honestly say that competing in pageants developed my confidence, self esteem, poise and social graces. I competed in my first pageant at the ripe age of 14. Initially, I wanted to make new friends and showcase my talent and grace. I quickly discovered that there were girls who were more beautiful, richer and more taleted than me. Did this destroy my self esteem? No, it made me accept that I can only be the best me and I was my only competition in life. Looking back, although at the time I was very angry, I didn't deserve to win any of the pageants I entered. I was ill-prepared and didn't have the proper coaching required to nail the competition ...