Crystal Clear Observations

What is a hater? Is a person who simply doesn't like you a hater? Do we put ourselves on such a high pedestal that we feel like everyone should constantly praise, celebrate and applaud our every move? If a person offers constructive criticism, do we label them a hater? Quite simply put, a hater is someone in your circle who secretly desires to be you. They are willing to lend an ear or offer input into your personal negativity or drama but when you have a positive attribute or accomplishment, they are nowhere to be found. A hater will sit back and secretly hope for you to fail. Unlike an enemy, a hater wants a front row seat but is not in your audience. So why do we give so much time and attention to our perceived haters? We dedicate time and energy into addressing the haters through tweets and status updates which only validates their opinion matters to you. By even taking the time to address them, you subconsciously fuel them further. “ Keep yourselves far from envy; it eat...

Like most people, I was elated to see young newcomer Lupita Nyong'o win an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her role in "12 Years A Slave." Throughout the award season, she has been a fashion standout and has captivated the public with her beauty, poise, elegance and humble heart. I remember when Halle Berry won the Oscar for "Monster's Ball." I was absolutely ecstatic because she was the first African-American woman to nab the Best Actress Oscar. What I don't remember is saying to myself "This is for all the light skin, yellow, mixed race girls with long hair out there." And I certainly didn't use it as an opportunity on social media to elevate my own perception of beauty. Yes, Lupita has darker skin. Yes, Lupita has shorter hair and yes, she is to be celebrated for who she is but t here are those who take this opportunity to elevate their self esteem by putting other women down who don't share in these physical features yet ...

Last week, I had the opportunity to cross something off of my bucket list. I don't have many lofty or extraordinary things on my list; just meaningful experiences that take me back to the few safe places of my childhood. Since I was a little girl, I always wanted to see a Black ballet ensemble perform and I had the opportunity to see The Dance Theatre of Harlem perform in Irving, Texas. I vividly remember the birthday I received a doll that looked like a Black ballerina.  She had on a pink tutu with cotton candy pink tights and pointe shoes. When you would press her head, her leg would kick up. She immediately became my favorite doll. I think most little girls at some point dream of being a ballerina. After all, ballerinas are graceful. They are poised and elegant. They wear beautiful costumes and command attention when they take to the stage and if you are lucky enough to be the star, you twirl in the spotlight and command attention. My mom put me in ballet classes but I was...

Not even one month into the new year and a young woman I grew up with lost her battle to breast cancer. I remember the day that another classmate inboxed me to tell me about her diagnosis and asked me to reach out to her via facebook. Over the next few weeks, I would read about how hard the chemo was on her body and her subsequent trips to the ER and hospital. All the while, I am cheering her on to victory, encouraging her from my own treatment experiences and praying for her wellness. NOTHING HAS BEEN HARDER FOR ME THAN SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN DIE FROM THE SAME DISEASE THAT I MANAGED TO OVERCOME. It saddens me deeply because I realize that a) that could have been me b) I see the impact that her death has on her friends, family and loved ones and c) I wonder when the other shoe will fall for me. With each death, I very small part of me dies with her. A dismal part of my heart and faith are chipped away. She fought as hard as I did, she had reasons to live, she had people that loved ...

I don't blog daily because I strive to be relevant. In between social media posts, I do live a real life. This week, my facebook newsfeed has been inundated with bloggers and writers upset about current media portrayals of Black women on television; specifically the fictional characters of Olivia Pope on "Scandal" and "Being Mary Jane" on BET. First let me state the obvious: These are fictional characters . Dramatic television is simply that. In order to engage an audience, you must have conflict and character flaws. Few people would tune in to watch a show where perfect people go to their perfect jobs and return home to their perfect families in their perfect communities with absolutely no conflict, turmoil or drama. Television serves as an escape. We invest our time and emotions into characters which we can relate to at some level. My biggest concern with everyone upset with these portrayals is that they don't know what the resolution will be. These ch...

Once you put aside the commercialism of the holidays, you may be surprised to learn that the holidays are very depressing for many people. So often, we get so caught up in the decorations and shopping that we actually forget to reach out to people in our network who are coping with grief and loss during this special time of year. The holidays typically are a time of family gatherings and warm memories but for anyone struggling with the loss of a loved one, failed relationship or family estrangement, the holidays can be a harsh reminder of a void. I've always felt that people take their functioning families for granted. I know that family members can get on our nerves and getting together at the holidays can be stressful in itself but if you have a safe place that you can call home, be thankful. If you know someone spending the holidays alone, welcome them into your home and surround them with love and support. If you have a family that is nothing but drama and stress, give yo...

I'm noticing a disturbing trend in the need to be validated via social media. Adults who want to be perceived as successful desperately trying to validate their worth or successes through an electronic outlet. People connect with you on social media for several reasons: to reconnect from childhood, to network, to get to know you better or through commonality. You can not build a solid relationship via social media, command respect via social media or determine your worth through social media so stop putting fruitless efforts into it. At times, I am embarrassed for adults who constantly have to prove how "busy" or "professional" they are through a post or tweet when in reality if you are THAT busy and productive, you won't be on social media every hour. Just be YOU. If you are successful, it manifests in your relationships, your reputation, lifestyle and works. If you are the only one promoting your success, chances are that you are the only one deeming...