Crystal Clear Observations

 Last month, I had the extreme pleasure of attending the Embrace Ambition Summit in New York hosted by the Tory Burch Foundation. Having attended business summits before, I went in with the expectation that the same topics presented by the same "types" would be facilitated. Boy was I wrong! The summit was simply amazing and I honestly cannot think of a time I felt more empowered and inspired as a woman. Every interaction and touchpoint was thoughtful and intentional. I loved how the program included audience speakers who you may not have known but had meaningful stories and impact. As an African-American woman who was once a single mother, has battled breast cancer, was subjected to childhood traumas, fought (and won) workplace discrimination among other career and life setbacks, it was reassuring to hear stories of perseverance from other women who shared their authentic stories without shame or guilt. Their transparency made me realize that we are never truly alone in any b...

  I have always been a fighter. The tendency to challenge things brewed in my belly as a child. Having your favorite brother killed in a hit and run accident as a child does something to you. You constantly seek justice whether intentional or not. Life circumstances have molded me into an advocate for others. Often when others around me lack the tools or resources to advocate for themselves, I accept the challenge and forge forward. Fighting for something today will always beat falling for anything tomorrow. Do I ever get tired of fighting? Absolutely but half of the battle is knowing when to join in the ring or throw in the towel. Equip yourself with knowledge so that you can be successful in any battle. 2021 definitely tried my voice, my well-being, my abilities and my patience. It was a year of raising my voice and taking a strong stand for what is right. And luckily, it was a stand worth taking. Moving into a new year, I would like to encourage anyone reading this to always str...

 "We're going to issue a BLM statement." These words spoken by a company leader to a Human Resources professional sound good, right? Apparently it made people feel good and they felt they did their part in an angry world. Issue a statement on race, pacify a woke workforce and move on in business as usual mode. As a Human Resources professional, I can honestly say that I have been appalled and disappointed in the actions (or lack of) executed by my colleagues in the wake of the George Floyd verdict. Despite ethics and employment law training, I have watched so called leaders stay quiet and tap dance around critical workplace issues concerning discrimination. It's enough to make me seriously ponder a career change. I have sat on countless calls and zoom meetings where I can count the number of employees and students who look like me. I have participated in a "diversity" training where the video shown had NO ONE that looked like me. I have participated in inter...

 Losing my brother Carlton in 2020 was by far the most devastating and painful thing that happened to me. Within a matter of weeks of becoming ill, my older brother was gone. Of all 5 brothers, I was closest to Carlton. Those who grew up with me and attended high school with me know the full story. While I am not ready to openly talk about that incident, Carlton's death opened a lot of painful wounds about that dreadful day in August of 1987. Luckily, reopened wounds do close again. Carlton was an amazing artist with a troubled past. His artwork became his ministry and he would not only do commissioned pieces for businesses, celebrities, politicians and dignitaries but would donate portraits to people who could not afford to pay to bring them joy. I have no doubt that his talent was God given because he truly had remarkable talent.  Despite his personal setbacks and challenges and our long periods of no communication, he still managed to be my biggest cheerleader. Our family h...

  Furloughing an employee is never an easy decision. Often, these are financial based decisions to save a company money now and return the employee at a later date. This allows the employee to collect unemployment, pursue other options or wait to be called back. The way that you execute your furlough will determine if your impacted employees return. Don't jeopardize losing top talent due to faulty furlough processes. The cost of talent acquisition will certainly increase after the pandemic as the best workers will already be gainfully employed. Below are some reasons your employees will not return post furlough and some costly mistakes to avoid. 1) You attempted to use furlough as a thin veil for lay off. By definition, a furlough is an unpaid break from work while a layoff is a termination from employment. Some employers may try to take this route to avoid public perception or to avoid wrongful termination lawsuits. Employers should beware that employees are savvy and are knowledg...

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing something beautiful"                                                     Ralph-Waldo Emerson I got away to my little hidden gem in East Texas this weekend to refresh, recharge and protect my mental health. The best part of a solo trip is not having to explain to anyone why you don't feel like talking or why you want to sit somewhere and focus on an outlet that you love (reading, drawing, cooking, etc.) without any interruptions or explanations. Just you...in that peaceful moment. I haven't always loved the outdoors but in my adulthood, I have found that I am at peace with nature. The more I reflect on it, the woods was my childhood safe space as I lived right up the street from a ballpark surrounded by a wooded area. I literally could escape from heated arguing at home or stressful situations by wandering in ...

I am tired of seeing promising young lives end in hashtag advocacy. I am tired of people being killed simply for being the wrong skin color. I am tired of those operating from the core of their perceived entitlement and privilege continue to minimize the pain and anger felt by those who don't have exclusive memberships to those clubs. We are living in a time where an unarmed man is less likely to make it to jail breathing and be due judicial process but a disrespectful White woman can publicly tear up a legal citation, mock the court, be held in contempt and is released by a state Supreme Court.  Not since James Byrd in Jasper, Texas have I truly been sickened by a racist fueled murder like the way I felt this week when I viewed the video of Ahmaud Arbery. This man went out for a jog and was gunned down within moments of confrontation after being labeled a "thief" running away from a house in his own community. My husband could be Ahmaud. A retired Army soldier, h...

As Easter Sunday comes to a close, I had to stop and reflect on the last month as I know it. In my 48 years of existence, I have never experienced anything like this. At times, it is unbelievable and scary. Stifling is an understatement. As someone who truly lives life to the fullest and takes great joy in attending shows, concerts, dining out and quality time with friends, this has been a huge lifestyle adjustment. But to my surprise, it's not that bad. I have managed to look at the half full glass instead. It's beautiful seeing people spend more time with family and loved ones and doing things like puzzles, making videos, exercising outdoors, cooking and spending more quality time together. I personally have finally found the time to finish some home projects and declutter and clean my house to the best it has been since I moved in three years ago. There is some pressure in the social media world to emerge through this time with a new hobby, new talent or new side hustl...

It's Valentine's Day. The day you either love or loathe often determined by your current relationship status. Listen, being in a relationship or marriage does NOT determine your self worth. It does NOT make you happier or better than anyone else. In fact, how you demonstrate those relationships actually speaks volumes about your own security and confidence. You were an individual before you were a coupling. You were loved, beautiful, charismatic, fun, successful, etc. on your own and if you happen to meet someone along the way who appreciates and even brings out your better attributes then consider yourself fortunate. But don't consider yourself better. Relationships are complicated. Many couples are putting in work behind closed doors that you will never be privy too. Don't get caught up in the social media fantasies that many try to project. What you and your mate are building or repairing doesn't require an audience or applause. You are not perfect and yo...

Energy preservation. It seems to be a topic that I find myself revisiting a lot. I'm talking about the limited energy we have each day that seems to deflate as we get older. As a breast cancer survivor, let me preface this sentiment by saying that I am probably more cautious of my time and energy than someone who hasn't battled cancer. Despite the physical limitations which exist, I consciously choose to preserve my energy for people and situations that truly warrant it. What some may view as a high propensity or personality flaw to create barriers or cut people off, I see as life preserving. You will constantly spin your wheels trying to get attention and agreement from those who demonstrate through their own actions that they aren't willing to invest that same energy back at you. It is not selfish or narcissistic to put your own wants and needs first. It is not cold hearted to eliminate people and things that drain your energy quickly. It should not make you feel gu...

Several years ago, I decided to go back to work and ventured into Human Resources after several run-ins with poor Human Resources professionals or poor candidate/employee experiences. As a person who loves policy, has a strong sense of urgency and follow up and who genuinely cares for people and their best interest, I felt Human Resources was a great fit for me. Re-entering the workforce after successfully running your own business presents its own set of challenges but within the right infrastructure, it is truly a corporate asset. Entrepreneurs tend to think outside the box and present creative solutions to problems or barriers. This is only valued when you join a team that is open to new ideas, talents and resources. If your teammates have been employed for years and are process driven or stagnant in their own career growth, your energy will be met with resistance. This constant battle is mentally exhausting and will eventually take a toll. Entrepreneurs tend to exercise fruga...

12 years in remission     I recently celebrated my 12th anniversary since my breast cancer diagnosis. I am always grateful but each year I take a hard look at the woman in the mirror and reflect on how I am living my life since the fight of my life.   When I was in the throes of cancer treatment, I made a promise to myself and a higher power that when I got through this, I would live a life of purpose and gratitude. I vowed to use my energy, talent and resources wisely since the threat of cancer returning always looms.   Year 12. I owe myself an apology.   It's been several months since I even wrote a blog entry yet I love to write. No more making excuses for not doing something that I love and feel I am good at. What could possibly be more important than doing what you love?   I apologize for all the energy I wasted on people who never had good intentions for me. I foolishly assumed that someone else's networks and friendships coul...

I've never been good at forgiving. I rarely saw it demonstrated in my childhood and throughout life, it made very rare appearances. When things went sour, relationships deteriorated quickly. All these years I feel like I had it wrong. I thought weak people forgave and strong people were able to cut ties and move on; never looking back or forgiving someone for hurting them. I've spent most of my life as a very passive aggressive person which is not good. But I thought that being iron tough and a hard ass demonstrated strength and tolerance. I guess you are never too old to learn. We should strive to be wiser and aim for emotional growth. Recently, I had to dig deep to forgive someone for something that I normally would not forgive. The hurt, anger and disappoint clouded my logical thinking. A heart in pain throbs more than a logical brain. Here's the thing......people aren't perfect. They are going to mess up. They are going to make mistakes. And they may e...

    I recently posted a photo on my social media of pancakes for dinner. Now this may not seem like a big deal to most, but for me, it definitely was a crowning moment. You see.....I am the type of woman that likes to cook big meals for my husband and I which often require 30-60 minutes of time. The thought of eating something quick or fast slightly feels like a failure to me. I also wanted to remind people that even though I like to share my Hello Fresh or other fancy meals, sometimes we eat what we throw together. Don't get caught up in an unrealistic social media display.   So when I got home late one weekday after attending a lecture, I was just too exhausted to cook but we were hungry. I remember a coworker saying to me that "some days you just gotta open a box of cereal and call it a meal."   So I hope this brief blog and accompanying photo remind you of two things: Don't expect so much from yourself when you don't have it to give an...

Second time is a charm!  I recently mastered the art of cooking a whole turkey. "What's the big deal?", you might ask. For me, A LOT. Growing up, I always WATCHED the women in my family prepare a beautiful turkey under a watchful eye. I have vivid memories of my mother waking up throughout the night to check on the turkey in the oven every few hours. I also recall my grandmother carefully monitoring the turkey and prized dressing every holiday. Turkey and dressing were always the best part of my childhood holiday meals. I remember the first attempt at cooking a turkey around the time my daughter was 10 years old. I had no clue what I was doing and left the giblet bag in, didn't season it good nor did it cook up well. It was such a mess! I never attempted to cook one again. Fast forward to 2017. My employer gave me a beautiful 13 lb. turkey for the holiday. I didn't want it to go to waste so I decided to tackle the task at hand. With the help of s...

I saw the classic movie"It's A Wonderful Life" this past Friday for the first time and wondered how did such a masterpiece manage to escape my viewing eyes all these years! It's a wonderful tale of living a humble and selfless life. I don't remember which friend it was who suggested I see it around 15 years ago. I was going through a very difficult time and major depression. This friend suggested I see the film because I reminded her of the main character. Having seen the film, I am flattered that someone saw George Bailey in me. We could all learn a lot from George Bailey; a man that was actually good to a flaw. He selflessly gave of himself to others to a fault. He never sat back and took inventory of his character and life until a little angel forced him to see what the world would be like without his contributions. It's so easy to take our lives for granted especially in the age of social media. We see other people crafting the narrative they want ot...

This morning, I attended a public fitness class for the 4th time ever. I've always been reluctant to attend these classes out of fear or feeling embarrassed at my endurance or fitness level. After all, I was the kid with asthma sitting against the wall at recess. A local MMA facility hosted a Muscles and Mimosa free event that I saw on facebook and they had me at mimosas. (I know-my tank says you had me at pumpkin spice. I can't turn down delicious things!) I've been taking a mental beating at work; being overlooked, minimized and undervalued as a woman on my team. Working out is the only time I truly feel strong and in control these days. From the moment I hit the door, I was met with inviting, physically fit and strong women who greeted me with friendly smiles and warm greetings. There was a healthy sense of competition and camaraderie in the room. It was positively contagious! I'd be remiss if I didn't add how beautiful everyone was without makeup. T...

My husband and I recently returned from a wonderful weekend experience in Canton, Ohio for the NFL Pro Football Hall of Fame Induction. I had never traveled to Ohio before so it was fun to visit a new state. The cooler temperatures were a welcomed touch as well. Seeing all the football legends, learning about the history of the game and simply being within an arm's reach of the greatest players to ever play the game was simply amazing. Whether you love football or not, a visit to the Pro Football Hall of Fame is inspiring and motivating. Themes like teamwork, endurance, perseverance and resilience ring throughout the walls. I had watched the induction on television at least a handful of times and every year, I find myself getting teary eyed or crying at seeing these strong big men cry. What really stands out to me is that behind every man being honored is an amazing woman who has contributed to their growth and success. Whether it was a single mother who worked three jobs (Ja...

No, you're not crazy. Or weak. Or incompetent. Your job or managers just try to make you feel that way from time to time. What you are is tired, worn out or simply stressed. Work related stress can take a toll on your well being and wellness and can impact the important relationships in your life. Take the initiative and escape for a day. I recently took a Wednesday off to regroup. Having suffered from migraines two days in a row, I owed it to myself to unplug and unwind and guess what? No Wednesday migraine! I was happy and healthy all day. I encourage everyone to take a personal day from work and truly make it personal. Do something that you enjoy and UNPLUG from work. Day in and day out job stress is not healthy and has to be consciously managed. You aren't doing yourself any favors staying late and putting in overtime if your work isn't going to be applauded anyway. There is not a price tag on your overall well-being. You owe it to yourself to take...

It's not easy for me to admit this but sometimes I get way too comfortable. I let my guard down and settle for things because they feel comfortable......or I don't want to put in extra effort despite knowing I am worth and entitled to so much more. Going back to work after being self employed for ten years was not an easy transition. Having experienced career highs and several prestigious accolades, breast cancer reared its ugly head and forced me to make a life change. Entering the workforce seemed like a good idea....you know that is what responsible adults with college degrees do, right? Here is the Catch 22.....you can secure a role in an organization, earn a decent paycheck and have stability but then you will hit a brick wall or a glass ceiling. If you are a woman, particularly a woman of color, you will speed up in hitting those objects. Corporate women of color will be disrespected, undermined and subjected to conversations and behavior that have no place in ...