I owe myself an apology

12 years in remission

 

 

I recently celebrated my 12th anniversary since my breast cancer diagnosis. I am always grateful but each year I take a hard look at the woman in the mirror and reflect on how I am living my life since the fight of my life.

 

When I was in the throes of cancer treatment, I made a promise to myself and a higher power that when I got through this, I would live a life of purpose and gratitude. I vowed to use my energy, talent and resources wisely since the threat of cancer returning always looms.

 

Year 12. I owe myself an apology.

 

It's been several months since I even wrote a blog entry yet I love to write. No more making excuses for not doing something that I love and feel I am good at. What could possibly be more important than doing what you love?

 

I apologize for all the energy I wasted on people who never had good intentions for me. I foolishly assumed that someone else's networks and friendships could be a meaningful part of my life. Friendships are developed over time and are not forced.

 

I apologize for sacrificing my own talents for the sake of a corporate goal. Re-entering the workforce after medical leave has been quite challenging. Once you have been an entrepreneur, you now have to condition your mind to abide by someone else's rules and sometimes those rules may not fundamentally sit with your own. I regret the days I worked overtime but failed to put in any work into my own talents.

 

I apologize for seeking approval from people whose opinion and approvals amount to nothing. If someone holds no merit or admirable traits, why would their validation be needed to feel commended?

 

I apologize to the time lost with friends and family I harbored a long grudge against when at the heart of the matter, those are the people who may have flaws but they love me unconditionally. I had to release selfish pride and learn how to forgive, be forgiven, communicate more openly and allow things to roll of my back and grow in the friendship or relationship. Pray for discernment so you know which relationships deserve work and which ones you need to end.

 

I apologize to my body for the times I took it for granted or overly criticized it. At 47 years of age, I LOOK GOOD and FEEL GOOD. No more comparisons to other women or magazine models. I embrace the woman I am and the body I am housed in. If someone doesn't see my body as beautiful, that is none of my business.

 

I apologize for all the times that I let negativity occupy any mental space because being positive and happy is a choice! We all send out vibes and it is up to us to determine what we attract and what we entertain. Misery loves company so be sure you know who you open your front door to.

Lastly, I owe myself an apology for setting myself on fire to keep others warm. No more over extending myself, pretending, ignoring my heart's desires or putting in efforts fruitlessly. Each day needs to be met with grace, gratitude, fulfillment and purpose. No exceptions.

I am looking forward to the Lucky 13. I accept my own apology and I look forward to continued growth in my heart and soul.